Expecting Joy

Merry Christmas! I actually like the word “Christmas” – not for any religious reason, but because to me, growing up as a young boy in Western society in the West Virginia suburbs, Christmas meant a time for starting fresh, for reclaiming Joy in life, and simply being happy.

Last post, I talked about how my tendency to withdraw from social behavior was just part of a larger pattern in my personal growth. We all have these patterns, and it’s okay.

Sometimes, when we do take action, it can be frustratingly hard to see the kind of progress we want to see. Or, maybe we’re seeing progress, but, as in my case, the results we’re getting aren’t the ones we thought we wanted.

In my experience, this typically happens not because of something I did, but because of a place I was coming fromway back before I took any action. A thought, or an understanding, or even a misunderstanding, that set the stage for my desires and then actions.

In the context of my chasing social satisfaction, there could have been a multitude of motivations going on there. Some might be perceived as positive, others as negative.

But really, there is no positive and negative. It’s all just stuff. Call it motivation, intention, desire, whatever – who really cares? If anything, it was all good, because it was just helping me along the path to discovering my True Self.

If this is granted, if you agree that ultimately, the reasons for why we do what we do are neutral – provided we’re on a sincere path of self-discovery – then the only evil, the only true sin, it seems, is to go about this process without Joy.

I think that’s what Christmas is supposed to remind us – that on this day, as on any other, we can reclaim that Joy, and have it come first. Before our expectations, our desires, our goals. If we put joy first, and have it be the “place” from which we take action, then it seems that however things go, it would be okay, because we would be joyful.

To take delight in the process of learning, of self-discovery, of other-discovery, is a free bypass around all disappointment, fear, frustration and futility. It’s a stark contrast to having an agenda or learning a skill out of reaction: 

(“I’m going to become so popular so I don’t have to feel like the little oddball I was in middle school”)

(“I’m going to learn how money works so I don’t have to be poor like my parents”)

(“I’m going to learn X skill to be cool like X people”)

With the above reaction-based thoughts, a person might work hard, put in the hours, and ultimately achieve his or her goals. But there’s always the possibility (probability) that in doing so, the same person will encounter results that don’t give the feelings that he or she had hoped for.

And of course, this is all okay. As long as we’re on an honest path of growth, it’s all good. But that path doesn’t have to be fraught with disappointment. It could be taken with Joy. Once I infuse Joy into my life, I don’t have to worry about the confusing parts, the complicated parts, the hard parts. I can understand that that’s all part of this awesome process I’m on, and that it’s not always going to make sense, it’s not always going to work, and I’m not always going to get what I thought I wanted, even if I do all the things I thought were right.

And that’s okay.

I think that’s what Christmas is all about.